Day 7 was when Natalie felt unwell

The internet is proving a large part of our weekdays right now, it’s a necessity for finding accommodation and hopefully some jobs, so we have been spending large chunks of our days over in the marina club communal area using their wifi. The other thing about being on the net at these parts of the day is that all our Scottish friends and family, the people reading this I suppose, are either just finishing work or finished and online so we spend time sending emails and the like. However, more important matters were at hand come 2.45 pm our time on Wednesday. Killie were playing St Mirren in a relegation dog fight and I was going to miss it, British radio isn’t accessible over here due to some sort of laws so I had the wonderful idea that if I could get someone to pick up a skype call I could ask them to hang the headset with microphone over the radio, a brace from King Kevin Kyle, joy. While I sat straining to hear anything about the Killie game from Derek Johnstone and the rest of those Clyde 2 dicks who spent the majority of their time blabbering on about rangers and man united Natalie played on Bebo. We both went a wee swim in the morning and when we went the messages mid afternoon Natalie greatly exaggerated her length count in her morning dip. She claims she did 24 lengths of the pool, that’s up and down so she did 48 in all, its not a big pool but still im not sure whether I believe her, I shall have to pay attention next time out instead if daydreaming.

Our evening was supposed to be spent at the BMO Filed watching FC Toronto but Natalie’s ears are sore and she was feeling a bit sorry for herself, she did say she would have went but I being the considerate boyfriend I am said I would stay in and support her while she was poorly, she seemed genuinely pleased by this terrific act of kindness. All that is quite clearly bollocks by the way, the tickets were actually a bit late notice and Natalie ears were sore so we politely declined and stayed in. so an evening in with the finale of Americas Next Supermodel is how Wednesday came to a close. We did however have a delicious dinner which Natalie crafted using pasta, leftover hotdogs and pasta sauce. Oh and I went out to get ice cream for the invalid and picked us up a 6 49 lottery ticket, we got a quick pick which is quite easy for anyone to understand must work in a similar way to a lucky dip. Me, as a Scotsman would read quick pick and think “oh that must be there version of lucky dip” sadly that intuition doesn’t relate over her, I couldn’t think of the right word (quick pick) so I used lucky dip, the woman looked at me as if I was stupid, I said it again then frantically scoured the lottery form for the right phrase, little things like that do my head in. I am speaking English, its heavily accented yes but its is full blown English, not some pidgin English but even still its intelligible. Quick pick and lucky dip should be easily synonymous with each other. Other things that should be mentioned is that Ricardo from the forum prices Canadian ice cream (quite dear!) and Two and a Half Men is me and Natalie’s new favourite show.

Day 6 when we were so close to a cracking pad but then dashed at the last kick!

Its was this morning (Tuesday) that i lost my jet lag sort of thing, I was the only one. Natalie is still getting up rather early, its like hanging about with a Natalie circa 2005 when she wouldn’t sleep on and was really rather irritating in the mornings. So anyway, she got up and went swimming while I had an extra half hour sleep. When she came back we went over and used the communal room for their wifi in order to look up prospective living quarters, and we hit pay dirt it seemed with a shared luxury condo showing on the horizon which, while it was right at the top end of our budget scale, was completely doable. The necessary phone call was made but the chap, John, never answered, we searched some more and then John called back. So we wandered along to see this place which it turns out was only a short walk up the lakeside.

It was beautiful and the situ was that his sister owned it but she was a flight attendant and only stayed in it occasionally, her brother was a yoga teacher and was over simply to allow viewing for his sister, we were instantly taken by the lovely place and arranged to come back later in the day to sort everything out. We spoke it over and text and emailed the chap back saying we were very keen and would see him later. He never replied but this never deterred us, no news was good news or so we thought, if he was against our idea of meeting later he would simply say. The upshot of this whole situation is that we called back later and he eventually answered (in moments of terror during the day we called, only to have John not answer) and said that his sister had sorted out a tenant herself and he was sorry, he couldn’t answer his phone as he had forgot it in the condo while he went out and taught a class.

Let me just put it to you that were not stupid and see all this as total bullshit. The phone thing isn’t believable as his phone was in his hand the whole time we were shown around the condo and the building, not in his pocket, in his hand. Also, he was keen to get back to Vancouver where he lives so why would he take a class? Also, his sister sorted out something herself just as we were looking at it, it all seems to much, the fact she had her brother dealing with it and taking him away from home to let people view and she goes and ties it up without the party looking at it all seems a bit too much to be truly believeable. Having said all that, I actually found the guy john to be a right nice guy and my only regret is that he wasn’t forthright in the real reasons. Those being a viewer after us took it straight away for example instead of fudging a really crap excuse.

Anyway, while all this was no doubt going on Natalie and I had a rather hilarious online chat with her dad using the skype thing, the halfwit didn’t set his earphones right or something so he couldn’t hear us but we could hear him, we could both see each other though. He asked questions and we wrote back, watching him read our messages was priceless plus he felt the need to have the cat say hello, also priceless. The evening saw us mosey on up to the Blue Goose Tavern we were at on Friday so I could watch the baseball (it was Halliday v AJ Burnett which no doubt means nothing to you but was a big deal for me), we followed Natalie’s keen nose for direction an ended up going the wrong direction, we were redirected though before we went too far though and didn’t get there too late into the game. Afterwards we walked back home, it was dark however and the streets don’t look the same in the dark, also its worth noting that Natalie’s directions not only took us the wrong way but also the long way and from where the pub is situated it became clear that another direction would get us home far quicker than the route we took to get there, but as I say, it was dark and unravelled terrain for us at that point so suffice to say Natalie was bricking it. Me? I was big and brave and we got home quickly and easily.

Ok I was kinda bricking it too.

Day 5 is the day we became proper legal

Up early yesterday morning because Monday was the day we embarked on the arduous task of acquiring our social insurance numbers and bank accounts. When we stopped by the swap office on Friday the fella in there said that if we hussled up to city hall then there would be a queue and we might get in before the day was out, frankly we never had the time for it then so we set out on Monday quite apprehensive about waiting all day in a queue with asylum seekers or something like that. Nothing was further from the truth, it was all relatively simple, relatively. We got the street car (tram) into the city from the stop outside the condo were living in and rode it almost till the city centre, or the city centre as far as were concerned; Yonge Street (pronounced young incidentally) we got off at city hall, a lovely big building so it, and went through their airport security type thing only to be told we were in the old city hall and the new one is about 100 yards down the road.

The old City Hall

The new city hall is a modern horrible looking thing but we went in regardless and there was only a couple of people waiting which was good. This though this led us to think that we were in the wrong place, but we weren’t, it was just there was only one person working. When we were eventually taken, one at a time, it was all relatively painless and quick too. While we were there Natalie had to phone a guy Gord back about a job she was maybe going to get interview for that was sorted out at the alchol hazed lacrosse game Friday night soiree, he asked her to come in for an interview that afternoon and she agreed. Now this maybe wasn’t the greatest of ideas as we were about due to be taken in to get grilled on our intentions in the great province of Ontario and what if it took ages and we had to get back to the condo and get changed and then find a way to Missisagua which we didn’t know where that was and it was the back of ten and the interview was three and what if and what if. But as I said the whole social insurance number thing was a pure breeze so we moved onto the business getting bank accounts.

Frankly the subject of getting bank accounts was just as simple as getting the SIN’s (I have no idea if this is an actual acronym but I will use it anyway) so I wont bore you, the chap that dealt with me, a guy called Wei was a stand up fella and dealt with us quickly and informatively, explaining every step and left me in no way confused about what I was signing up for. Natalie says her woman was the same though she cant remember the girls name. let me say this about Canada, we struggled to get in and heard so much about how the didn’t accept people of different nationalites in, well in this particular branch of TD Canada Trust we were issued accounts by people of all different nationalites, I would maybe guess Wei was born over here but with asian parents but the guy who deposited natalies money was called Vitaly and he had a cool eastern bloc haircut and came from Russia! The girl who deposited my money was south american, i imagine anyway.

Further on that point there is a huge Polish influx over here, so much so a good few pubs have signs outside them with Zywiek and Tyskie on them, polish beers to the uninitiated, good polish beer to anyone seeking a recommendation.

And to go off on a even further tangent i have been enjoying the Canadian beer and so far I have tasted Labbatts blue, Molson candian, Coors light and something called Moosehead which is a local micro brewerys pilsner lager type stuff. I actually showed my ignorance by asking for a Canadian by saying can I have a Molson which got the guy behind the bar looking at me funny.

Right so, bank accounts and SIN’s dealt with we got the street car home and had a quick bite while Natalie got the power suit on for her interview, with half an hour before she was to be picked up, Drew called and said he would run her up which was great, we went over to the communal area of the condo complex to use their wifi so Natalie could do some research on the company. She needn’t have bothered, the interview went well but its kinda felt that natalies experience of being interviewed may be more indepth than the experience of the interviewers actually doing interviews might of meant she may have overpowered them with her hunger and prioffessional intensity. Or maybe that wasn’t actually how it happened, I am merely surmising, while all this was going on I was out in the car talking about sport and current affairs stuff with Drew.

Here is a rotten picture of the wee puppy that we went to see, for people who like thats sort of thing

We then went and picked up drews brorther John from his holiday abode in Mississagua and headed back to Mimico for tea. Carol made our tea and from there we went to their friends house out of town to see their new dog, a cracking wee thing half lab half collie I think which was pretty small and playful now but im sure if I see it again it will be the size of a horse and sharp as a tack. This whistle stop tour of different places and peoples houses came to an abrupt end around sevenish as game six of the Blackhawks series was due to start and the Bolland family wanted settled to watch it. Natalie and I watched it too, 7-5 they won eventually and now they are through and that means, I think, that we could be on our way to a wee road trip to the states to see game 1 of the next round! Which would be cool. I made it through the whole game, it was touch and go at bits though I had to walk about the condo a bit when adverts were on, Natalie? well did and she didn’t, she watched the first period with me then went through to the bedroom and answered every time I shouted something had happened, generally its just goals I shouted for, im not that clued up in the sport (though I am trying, its almost religion here) so that’s good enough for me. The horn blew and I text drew, just so he knew we watched it and then went straight to sleep.

Day 4 saw a comment made to us that walking from where we were to the city centre would take 45 mins. It didnt

So we got up on the Sunday and knew nothing about the score, I text drew who never told me so we spent most of the day searching out the score. Natalie and I went over to the common room above the condos shared gym/swimming pool to use the internet. Or rather Natalie went to talk to her mum over the net and I read, we then embarked on a wee walk.

All these yachts are parked at the front of where were staying but more importantly, this is the hat i bought yesterday!

This wee walk saw us walk for two hours in the one direction, and meant we had to walk the same distance back so a four hour round trip. As I sit here typing this natalies legs are feeling sore but so far im ok. Our walk took us in the direction of downtown Toronto, we wanted to see how far we could make it, we got as far as the exhibition place which was a fair achievement, on one side of the highway was the bmo field where FC Toronto play and the other the Molson Ampitheatre which actually is on a island over a small stretch of water.

The Molson Amphitheatre, Kinda on an island and roughly halfway between where were staying and the city!

I am pretty sure the Killers are playing there later in the year and Sean works security on all those type things so if he cant get me a job beside him ill be making sure to beg him to upgrade whatever cheap tickets I can get if I get them! Sean worked a Shania Twain gig before and actually carried her into the gig.

If you look really close you can see the CN Tower in the backgound, if you also look close you can see if have Natalies scarf on because it was absolutely freezing on the walk back, the wind would have cut you!

When we got back from our leisurely stroll we had drew and Carol pop round with Drews brother John who is from Prestwick and over for a holiday, first time we had met, and also for him the first time he had met Natalie though Natalie insists they have met before! They left a wee bit ago so we had out dinner and are now sat and yawning at each other so il finish this up before retiring to bed.

Day 3 was a quiet affair

Right so we woke up in the condo on Saturday morning nice and early because we were getting picked up at 9am to go back downtown and pick up our bags from the hotel, it wasn’t the greatest hurl back as we were both feeling slightly liverish due to overindulgence the night before, but we survived, nipped in, grabbed our bags, stuck on some clean clothes and back out to the car. We got run to the condo, where we dumped our bags and pulled ourselves together because we were getting picked up again, this time to go the messages.

The view of the tennis courts from the condo window

Except we never just went the messages, we got taken to a shopping mall to pick up a mobile, or cell as they are more commonly known over here. We got it as it happens, it’s an absolute shitter. A Samsung flip phone piece of crap. Its red, its mince, it basically sucks. Also Canadian tariffs are garbage, gone are my easy to operate 600 minutes and 1000 texts which the good people at o2 offered me, no here its costing us big bucks. Were getting free local calls evenings and weekends unlimited texts which is fine though whether they are free if not local remains to be seen. What else, oh, that’s right, I havent a clue who is calling me as it cost extra a month for caller id! They need to have a good look at their phone system stuff really, apart from that its all cool I suppose. When in rome then do what the romans do so when in Canada get pumped stupid by the mobile companies like the Canadians do. I should probably add that we may have got a better deal had we taken a longer contract than the mere year we took, most companies push three years, im sure more perks would have been available had we taken longer deal.

Natalie has a wee seat while doing the messages, in what looks like the perfect TITP chair!

So anyway, the messages were bought and taken home. From there me and Natalie had a quiet night in, we had a pizza for tea which was delicious and settled down to watch oor dave on the tv, a late face off(!?) at 10.30 coupled with our late night the night before meant we succumbed and pretty much missed the lot.

Day 2 in CA

Right gang, Friday went as thus. we woke up really early for some reason and since were up and wake so early we took advantage of the great possibilities a city offers and spent the morning watching the telly and flicking about on the internet. It was only about ten half ten that we then went out and began walking about Toronto, it is massive, really huge and though everything is essentially walking distance away it is still a fair stomp. We went looking for cell phones, which is what they call them over here, I think it’s a considerably cooler word than mobiles but I will stick to mobiles because I am stubborn like that, so we went into all the retailers for each network in the same way we would go in the o2 shop or the orange shop we went into rogers and fido and bell and also the carphone warehouse type deals like the booth. Anyway, so far I am thinking that in some ways Britain is far better than Canada. For one you have to pay for bank accounts if they fall below certain levels, the one we spoke to said it was free unless 2k was in it, shocking, but mobiles are proving to be a right pain, pay and go is really expensive you pay to receive calls which is mega crap, we could probably get a con tract, and I think we will, but we have to buy phones, ours would take a week to get unlocked and even then, they don’t all use the sim card gprs or what ever it is system, they have some other system which I havent quite got my head round as yet. The phones were getting offered are, for the want of a better word, utter dungers, snidey cheap crap which you wouldn’t pay 10quid for back home but they want more than 50smackers for over here. Its irritating as anything. But needs must so we will soldier on.

So we went into places to see about mobiles and also to see about web cams, we came back with nothing. Alas. So we walked all the way down yonge street till we got to king street, check a map and see where im at, we then walked what felt like an eternity along king st west to find the offices of the company who sort out visas. Swap its called, there office was pretty cool, computers, job and accommodation boards and a cracking aussie guy who worked there who set us straight on how things worked and how to go about getting a social security number or whatever its called, maybe social insurance number. Also he told us what bank to use because one in particular did accounts which were perfect for us and they had some sort of link up, Canada trust is what its called, we had already tried HSBC but the guy in there was a pure sleaze ball in a purple shirt who basically begged us to take the account and then take a credit card, desperate is the only way to describe it. After walking all that way to the swap offices we made our way back and stopped by the rogers centre. If you look at a map, were right up yonge street, the cn tower and rogers centre is down at the bottom and along a good bit, well we walked a good bit farther than that so we more or less stopped by the rogers centre on our way home. We took some snaps and went into the shop so I could buy a hat, it’s a nice old fashioned one and it actually fits me, first time for everything. In the shop we were in it was the shop you can access from the stadium at the game so we looked out the window at the field, was cool.

I forgot to mention that on our walk back we stopped in at a sports bar to see if the showed sky sports news in the morning so I could follow the killie score, we were met by a girl who thought we wanted a table, when I asked about the sky thing she went and asked and the owner, a smashing wee foreign man came out and showed me the tv’s don’t think they got sky incidentally, while I did that Natalie spoke to the girl who it turned out was irish and was here on a work permit (same as us!) she gave us some info and that, most of which scared the living daylights out of me, she spoke of her difficulties getting a flat and a job, yikes. Natalie took it all in her stride though but it had me spooked.

After the rogers centre we got a nice wee ice cream cone, which was only the second thing we ate, a hot dog off a street vendor was what we had earlier, well good for 2dollars 50cents.

Then we headed back to the hotel because drew was picking us up at 5 and it was just past three. We got back up at 4 so had a wee hour to pull ourselves together, from getting picked up at 5 onwards we had a fantastic night, drew and carol (drews wife) took us for dinner to a wee Italian restaurant near their house in mimico which is a sort of suburb of Toronto. There was a picture beside our table of big pussy from the sopranos visiting the place which i thought was cool as anything, a big plus in my book. From there we went to drews boy daves condo which is where we’ll be staying the next few days, it is cracking but more on that later. We then went to a box lacrosse game, which is basically lacrosse but indoor, pretty violent sport actually, I missed the fight that went on in it however because I was out having a cheeky beer in the parking lot with drew and carols oldest boy sean, oh, he is absolutely nuts by the way, a cracking guy but really, nuts. He is enormous too, built like the old brick shithouse kind of way. I should add that if you know what king of the hill is like that kind of what the people of this mimico place are like, it is a very close knit community and we also had a fly beer before the game keeping it low so the cops never saw! We met a fair few people and drew and sean introduced us to everyone, we had more beer in the bar area of the lacrosse arena and afterwards went out to the local bar called the blue goose which was a great pub. There we met more folk, some of daves buddies from school too. I also met a fella who recognised me as he was over in September and was on the garage bus to brechin to watch killie he even talked about the paninaro flag that got burned. Unbelievable. From there we went onto another bar called timothys I think and by the time that was over it was too late to go back to the city so we stayed in daves condo.

Natalie got a phone number and a card about a job last night too, drew tells everyone that were here with working visas and looking for work and a person he spoke to last night gave Natalie something, im not too far behind, drews second youngest mike thinks he could get me out landscaping so hopefully something comes out that. But Natalie has possibly got herself a job so we will find out, prob Monday if that’s a goer. I was pretty drunk last night if the truth be told, beer is strong here. All the people we met last night were fantastic, very friendly and willing to speak to and help us out however they could, it was really good actually, felt good.

Oh Canada!

This will be a wee diary on our (my good self and my good lady Natalie) time in the great north American country of Canada. Keep looking in to get insight and more importantly photos as its far easier to upload them here than sending them via emails which takes time uploading and then downloading, major pain in the ass. anyway, whithout further ado

Day 1

hi folks, arrived no probs at all, had to do some immigration stuff when we went thru the csutoms stuff but both the people we dealt with were brand new which was great. drew bolland picked us up, natialie recognised him straight away, she says he looks like a bolland, im not exactly sure what that is but he seems cool, he took us round by his house to pick up his wife and then they ran us into toronto centre. our hotel is pretty good, its not as classy as the last place we were in but its fine. we sat about and watched some tv, just the sports news really, then went out a walk to get a adaptor plug for our electrics as neither of us had one. so we got that and now plug our phones intot he laptop to charge then, doubling up is brilliant. anyway, we walked down a bit of yonge street which is the main one and were just off it, round the corner form the gay area of town no less.

This is the view from our hotel room, what your looking at is the sears entrance of the Eaton Centre on Yonge street, well, all the adverts above it.

we came back from our walk about half 8 our time and got some subway peices for dinner, so prob bout 1am our own body clock time. we had a beer in the hotel bar, natalie had the most expensive can of cider ive ever seen and was steaming after it, no food and tiredness a rubbish combo. we missed the first period of the blackhawks ice hockey game but watched the second in the hotel bar and the third and overtime in our room eating our dinner. we got the computer up and running, free internet thru hotel wifi so we email natalies grampa and he phoned our room, which was cool.anyway the blackhawks won in overtime, davie bolland played a part in both the equaliser and the winner, natalie fell asleep while they were one nil down and missed both goals, i woke her up, she cared not a jot, she is now denying that wholesale! after that i plunked it over to the blue jays game but couldnt keep my eyes open. fell asleep bout half 11 so half four your time. trying to sort out any jet jag by knackering myself.

Howay the Killie!

If Killie were an English premiership team we would be Newcastle, yeah, I am pretty sure we are the Scottish equivalent of the Toon Army.

I say this because some of the similarities are glaringly obvious, we both turn out on most Saturdays resplendent in stripes and their fanatical fans hate Middlesboro and our fanatical fans hate Middlesboro, or that may just be me. We all have unexplainable hatred of different teams and mines is them.

Anyway, more seriously; we both made triumphant returns to the top division in the 90s after a fair spell in the lower leagues at the hands of a legend, a player who was made famous at more illustrious clubs certainly but were real legends at ours. If you don’t know who I am alluding to, King Kevin Keegan led Newcastle to the promised land of the English Premiership, he was a famous successful player for Liverpool but the Messiah on Tyneside. TB was a Celtic bhoy and hero of the jungle certainly but a but a bone fide Killie Legend all the same. RIP TB.

Since we both made it back to the top division we have had relatively decent success, at Killie we have had top four finishes, hell in one season we were even in contention of the league, at Christmas we were in with a real chance, sadly we faltered for a multitude of reasons but then we were a team with real SPL potential, one of the shining lights, we saw European football on more than one token occasion and our fans did us proud when travelling abroad. Newcastle too had great seasons, Champions league football has taken place on the Toon a fair few times and what about the famous “I would love it if we beat them” season when they blew a massive lead and gave Man U the title, as desperate as that looks now at least they had a chance, like we had a chance.

In the last few years our teams have also had similar paths, bottom half teams who seem to flatter to deceive, fail to deliver on potential. So on and so on. Our squads seem to be nothing like the ones we used to be able to assemble, gone is the extravagance of before and now we simply have to accept what we get. Newcastle once signed Ginola, Asprilla, Albert, now they sign Habib Beye (?) Cacapa (?) Xisco (?) signed on the most part by folk that arent the manager. Nowhere near the what they had before, or they get players, international players, who seem to be the real deal but they get them for nothing in January and so maybe you wonder why they arent costing a bean, mr Peter Lovenkrands please stand up. Look at us, Pascali; is he really what we always dreamed of in a tough tackling midfielder, Danny Invincibile is a vital cog in our machine but for the most part he seems to be nothing but the polar opposite of his second name. And our players seem to come on recommendations from strange sources, Pasca from Stefano Salvatori and we nearly had some chap called merlin who came highly recommended by Fitzroy Simpson! When we had a bit of dough we signed Iain Durrant, Ally McCoist, Pat Nevin, Christophe Cocard! Granted the financial restraints in Scotland put paid to that but still, I am beginning to think in the deeply depressed state im in that none of our present crop of signings could lace Jerome Vareilles boots! Oh and our Lovenkrands parallel could be Kevin Kyle, it cant all be everyone elses fault big man, if we got you for free and now your up here and cant seem to click with any other strikers or players it might just be you pal.

And now this season we both find ourselves at time of writing in 3rd bottom position, slightly more perilous for them than us as 3rd botom means you drop but nonetheless I feel we are eachy peachy, were both in a dog fight which contains a oddly large amount of clubs and all fixtures involving all clubs involved mean so much, 6 pointers appear weekly. Possibly a run of 2 victories in a row would see us safe, or three over the course of the remaining fixtures, afew draws in there too would help. And it is possible, it has to be. I mean for us, we havent won since the last fixture in December, surely history prevents us from sealing our fate, no team goes down with such a lack of fight, not one win in the second half of the year, I cant remember it happeneing, so if we cant get ourselves out this mess ourselves history surely (hopefully) will save us, were not that interesting to become a future quiz question I don’t think. Newcastle are pretty much ditto.

Were both in a situation where if we go down we wont be missed by those we leave behind, most premiership fans that I have heard from would be happy if a “big gun” like Newcastle went down. Same goes with us, it may not be with such vitriol but even still I cant see anyone being that bothered. Other wee similarities both our managers spent time off the sidelines due to illness, ours was merely a week or so while theres has taken the rest of the season off.

And in his place who do they get? Only Alan Shearer! Untried as a manager and only in for the last 8 games but as far as quick fix ideas go it’s a masterstroke, I mean if they stay up he is a legend and if they go down then who will really blame Alan Shearer? Chairman Mike Ashley has came in for some serious stick from his own supporters this season, the cockney mafia scenes from earlier this season regarding Dennis Wises part in transfers the walkout of King Kev again due to transfer dealings so much so that Ashley wasn’t seen at St James for months and months, even when Keegan took over and when he left Shearer was reported to say he would never work with Ashley, well this has changed and Shearer is in. Who would bet against Newcastle staying up with him in charge, at the very least he will gain the utmost respect of all proffesionals in his charge, and they will know what it means to play for Newcastle if they are playing for him.

Us? Could we follow that system? And if so, who? Monty would be a probable answer, and why not, if any sort of gimmick was going to work and if it was what fans wanted then he would be a fantastic choice. Like Kinnear just put JJ out to rest till the summer and try something fresh. I am sure that in training Monty could show even at his age that he is far fitter than our guff are, and he could have a word on Combes shell about his attitude toward the fans who pay to watch him play, that stuff wont fly anymore, and Simon Ford would get the rocket up his arse he def needs and all in all these guys would maybe get a feeling of the true meaning of wearing the squirrels on their chest because unlike it would seem us, they would have to listen to him because he would be the boss. It would be like having one of our own in there.

I suppose this brings it down to the main difference between us and them. Our chairmen. Both vilified for their own specific reasons, are what separate us from them. Mike Ashley for all his failings to the fans still wants to be liked and still wants to be respected and o right by his fans and team, so he has dealt with the Wise situation and took all the blockers out the way to allow Shearer to become temporary manager in the hope of steering them to safety. Mike Ashley wants his fans to love him and is doing all he can to secure that love. Our chairman seems not to give a shit about us and seems blasé about the fact that we could easily slip into an obscurity we may never come back from.

So there you have it, a thinly veiled pop at the chairman.

(an unapologetic) Ruud Kerouac
Killie Beat Writer

Season Diary

Entry # : Saturday 11th April 2009

In the great pantheon of football phrases some are bandied around so much that they begin to lose meaning, they are so overused that whaen something comes along that actually merits it it is instantly devalued because of what the phrase has been used for before.

Take legend and world class; two phrases that are used to describe a multitude of players who proably dont deserve it. Now take the phrase of today, must win. it is thrown around willie nillie in the strangest of places, Rangers and Celtic seem to have must wins every week especially the team who plays on the Sunday following a dodgy result for the other on the Saturday. Madness. But today, for Kilmarnock, today is a MUST WIN. We are sitting third bottom and three points above our opponents today, Falkirk who are bottom, if we get beat today we could be bottom by five o'clock and thats not good. Today i am excited, apprehensive, scared, confident and also slightly indifferent due to the perpetual nightmare that has been this season has worn me down to my lowest ebb. Basically a mix mash of different and contrasting feelings but to get back on topic, today is a must win.

In fact if i must be blunt, today is the Pele, Maradonna, Leo Messi and Eric Skora of must wins.

In Killie I trust.

The Metro from Central Station to Amsterdam ArenA

My trip to Amsterdam was fantastic apart from the result obviously. I managed to get a ticket due to the kindness of a friend and so i made the pilgrimage from the city centre to the Central Station and ontot eh Metro which takes the fans out to the ArenA, i filmed the whole journey for posterity, but i was thinking it was only maybe a wee 5 or 10 minutes, not the 19odd it turned out. so here it is in all its glory, the singing, the damcing, the rocking the train, from moderatley busy when we got on to rammed to the gunnels when we got off and also to cap it off my weary arms after holding the camera up for the 19 minutes (it was only a phone but it was 19 minutes, 19!)

enjoy



Cheers

Season Diary

Entry # : Saturday 4th April 2009

Well i have just got in from the bookies having picked out my potential winners for the Grand National and put on the radio and Killie are up one nil! Invincibile in the 8th minute i am assured by the commentator.

This is tremendous news and i am now typing away whith a big cheesey smile on my face.

I should probably clear a few things up, today is the return to domestic football after what has been a turmoil infused fortnight off in Scottish football as the International qualifiers took centre stage. Today we have Hearts away hoping to win our first league game since beating Hibs jsut after Christmas. Inverness play St Mirren today and Hamilton and Falkirk play Celtic and Rangers respectively so this could be a decent wee chance for us to put some breathing distance over Falkirk who sit bottom. But Hearts are 3rd and looking comfortable, but were up a goal and have beaten them already this season at Tynecastle so....

I am not there today as must be pretty obvious from reading this post as a week of over indulgence has left my pocket completely empty. Weekend trip to Amsterdam to see Scotland last week, midweek trip to Hampden to see Scotland v iceland and then the Premier League Darts at the SECC means i am an avid listener to the radio today.

Calum Elliot has just equalised for Hearts which is unsurprising really as since i started listening about ten minutes in any sort of Killie possession has been minimal.

that was on 21 minutes and on 28 minutes were 2-1 down, Elliot again, he hasnt scored for Hearts in more than a year, surely then a shoe in for a goal v Killie. See all the stuff i said earlier about hope and cheesey smiles, pretend i never said it.

doodling about the bbc website there is a live text type thing for this game which updates every two minutes with examples of the info on show being:

32:40
Corner taken by Mehdi Taouil from the right by-line to the near post, clearance made by David Obua.

its kind of like a twitter style commentary of a football game and when time is short sometimes its all you need, also on this is the teams and subs. Number 17 Willie Gibson features on our bench today does this mean he has apologised for his carry on at Pittodrie? If so i didnt know. It will be interesting to see if he comes on.

Reasons to be Fearful, 1,2,3

Article appeared in Killie Hippo 87 (out 21st March 09)

Well, I sit here typing with the Radio Scotland sport player thing pumping out the speaker, on it I have the Killie game v Inverness, as you can gather I am not there. Its not yet half time and were down two nil. If anyone is in any doubt yet (mr Jim Jeffries and your top six comments for the papers listen up) relegation is very much a reality for us this season.

This could be the end of our fifteen year stay in the Scottish top division, and some people think this could be good, premier league football has become boring and the novelty has long since wore off so a season in the first could be the thing that reignites the Kilmarnock fan, the thing that shakes off the apathy that is clearly cloaking our loyal support. In my opinion it wont, relegation my friends would be the first step into the oblivion.

Lets have a look at our squad, because the way I understand it, the people who have a wee feeling that a season in the first would be good also feel that just one season would be good, no more, a season in which we end it with a full Rugby Park celebrating a League Championship trophy clearly and then a triumphant return to the premier claiming that the first couldn’t hold us and it was merely a season to sort ourselves out. Well sorry but with what squad do we think that this could possibly be done with? Our stand out player this season, Craig Bryson, would be long gone, a tiny fee no doubt agreed due to the desperate need for cash due to our relegation.

I interrupt this article to bring news of Killie grabbing a goal back, and now its half time. 2-1 down.

Back to the squad, I could go through them all, player by player and show that we couldn’t afford to keep this squad (and why would we want to I suppose) we would need to sell a fair chunk for peanuts in a bid to stay afloat, Kevin Kyle, gone. Mehdi Taouil, gone. I would also see the likes of Hamill and Flannigan gone, plus Danny Invincibile would def be off, I am sure that since it would be a world cup year he would need to be playing in a top flight of some sort in order to put himself in the national managers plans! Combe? He would be off. Pascali? I really do think that our carcass would have the bones picked by any vultures circling and with our administration there would be no way for us fans to stop it. The players we would bring in I cant imagine would set the heather alight. Rascle, Murray, Hay, Ford and Lilley? A goalie and back four that any reader thinks could form the backbone of a championship winning team? I dread to think what would play in front of them!

Also would we keep our manager? I would like to think that they would fall on their swords and allow someone else to try sort us out but who would we get? Dick Campbell perhaps? Probably not as he has a contract, no, we would scour the market for some out of work punter who works a Sunday on BBC Scotland on the weeks that Celtic or Rangers aren’t playing (I am not particularly alluding to anyone more highlighting that this is a b it of a graveyard shift, I seem to remember Jim Lauchlan doing a bit of punditry on such days) as we wouldn’t want to pay an compensation. Or we keep JJ and BB but are they ready for the fight for promotion? my gut feeling is no, frankly I am of the opinion that they are past their sell by date for us in the premier so a drop and them staying at the helm for me is unthinkable.

Its not exactly a guarantee that we would go straight back up as well, look at the teams who have dropped before us, for all Dundee Utd and Hibs seemed to have a great time when down look at Dunfermline, St Johnstone and Dundee. They are teams with history like us who have struggled to get back to the top. I feel we would end up like them rather than the Hibs and DU’s. Look too, down south a similar thing happens, Southampton, Sheffield Wednesday, Coventry City god Wimbledon! This could definitely be us. What happens is when the money that you get in the top div dries up you either have a go or cut your cloth accordingly, frankly were in such a dire financial state that if we decided to cut our cloth accordingly then we would end up with a team of juniors and if we went hell for leather then we would end up playing in the juniors.

So lets say we do go down and we do get to play all sorts of new and interesting teams, visit places we havent been to in many a long year, plus the possibility with the scum riding high in the second of playing them four times next season, I mean after the excitement of the cup games this year surely sky would want to pick up all four matches since it has proven to be the best match seen on its channels so far this year. Would crowds really improve? Would we see a return of the fans who vowed never to go back? Would the gate reciepts get a dunt since the boring inevitability has been altered by our new 1st division status? I would say most probably no. the only thing that brings the fans back is a winning team and I for one would rather see that winning team in the Premier. There is no guarantees for it in the first. it’s a possibility yes but not a guarantee. The money coming in wouldn’t improve as some of the first division teams have the same apathy with their situation as we do with ours, I cant really see them coming through to us to follow their team, tiny crowds I would expect from Livi, Dunfermline, and more. We would no doubt end up hanging our entire cash flow form tickets on our two games at home to Ayr. No sorry, this wont work.

Final score is 2-1 against us.

Right I am going to tie this up as its depressing and writing stuff that is depressing isn’t good for the soul, especially on a Saturday night. Relegation after todays result is a reality, this season unlike others there is no Gretna, no Livi where they are teams with little or no history (Inverness excepted I suppose but they have proved their credentials as a SPL side more than Livi ever did) were in a dogfight and whoever goes down I feel would be missed from the league. In the history of the SPL we are the 4th highest point scorers (records from beginning of season, think were now 5th), this is one of the richest most successful chapters of our clubs history, relegation I think would signal that chapter ending. Sure I do see the good side of going down, a chance to regroup as a fan base, see different places and reignite in the young fans bellies a rivalry with our county cousins that they seem to think exists with us and the old firm. But really it can do us no good.

I have written this thing and tried to look at scenarios that would happen if we went down under the proviso that we would actually survive, but I suppose there is always the chance we didn’t. the fact is that our financial position is so dire that it would take some serious changes at the highest level for us to continue if we went down. That probably sounds alright, a big change, kind of like the last time we were relegated some 20 years ago on the final day of the season at Palmerston but sadly there is no one coming in like then, no Fleetings with big plans just a MJ looking into things. So that could actually be it, an end to all things Killie, we go to the wall and we all look for other things to do on a Saturday, other websites to check when were skiving from our work. It could happen and relegation is what could push it to the brink.

Please let us survive.

Ruud Kerouac
Killie Beat Writer

Season Diary

Entry # : Saturday 21st March 2009

Todays match is live on Setanta which means an early kick off, which means i am up early, which means i am now running late.

Today match with Motherwell has been described by everone who meets me that knows i am a Killie fan as a "must win" and i couldnt agree more, our situation of being four points off the bottom isnt the direst it could be however our zero wins in 2009 and no home wins since what feels like time began means that our form is that of a team destined for relegation and thus the tag "must win" is justified.

Some info about todays television game, Motherwell have only won one Setanta match, that being the day Scott Macdonald scored two against Celtic and Rangers won the league. So in the best Killie tradition that kind of stat usually means we are due to be on the recieving end of the end of their drought. It usuually happens, teams go on runs of defeats which apporach hteir records and who do they play next? thats right, Killie. I cant seem to remember our 12.30 on a Saturday record being all that hot though, a draw v St Mirren this season excepted i think all our fixtures at this time would have been v the old firm and our record versus them needs no introduction.

So anyway, early kick off at Rugby Park, our result today means everything, a win puts pressure on the other teams and a defeat gees them all up. Its in situtaions where i now look at the teams around us fixtures (generally i dont bother) and this week its 6 pointers all round, the teams with the same or more points face off St Mirren adn Hamilton and the teams below us face off also, Falkirk and ICT, if Inverness win and we win Falkirk fall 7 points behind us which would suit, however a Killie win and a draw in that match would be better, keep them both down. In fact a draw in the St Mirren game and a draw in Falkirk game would be ideal for us. I hate relying on other teams to do favours to help, i would rather we went on a winning run before the split but with our form that wont happen.

I am off to put on that good Killie combination at the bookies; Killie win, Falkirk and St Mirren draw then go and endure the 90 minutes at the football. Good luck Killie and good luck me.

It got better but turned to crap

Well following my super three day sucess of last week in europe i followed it up with a frankly cracking pick on Saturday. Preston were 10/11 at home to Cov so i had 9quid on. They went down one nil but i had faith and that faith was repaid 2-1 it finished and 17.18 was winging its way to me. I had a wee check at the eveneing euro fixtures but in a rare moment of sense i decided to stick, wait for Sunday.

And i did, Sunday i took AC to beat siena away from home, price was 20/21, almost evens for AC away the Siena! they won 5-1 and i cheered, not too loud though cos i found out the result in the toilet on my mobile internet. 13quid on returned just shy of 26.

But it all fell away on Tuesday just, 19 pounds pished away on Tranmere who took a good weekend result into their midweek match v bottom club Cheltenham and got beat 1nil. the goal was in the 3rd minute meaning they had more or less the whole game to rectigy it for me, they didnt. So i decided to keep my money in my pocket for the rest of the week, back in action tomorrow.

Season Diary

Entry # : Friday 13th March 2009

A whole week of nothing much happening. Not much mention of Killie in the papers and nothing much happening on the killiefc.com boards. Tomorrow its Inverness away and I for one am not going. Ticked that place of on my list so I will follow it from the comfort of my home thank you.

(imagine my pride of not mentioning the Scottish cup debacle in the above post)

The mention in the brackets above doesn’t count.

Oh, here is the video of Soccer AM’s newest hero Mehdi Taouil that was on TV last week, i watched it this week;



I now know what an aurelio is, its another one of those tricks in football i will never be able to do.

Starting Afresh

A lot of water has went under the bridge since i last updated my gambling experiment, by boxing day i was up past 130quid and blew it on Oldham and then again i was up past 140quid by late february and blew it big time.

So you find me today having strted again basically on Tuesday, its sstill the same basic cash from before, never put more in than the starting four quid but i had six twenty of it left after all the months of ups and downs.

So Tuesday had me going for Villarreal, £3 on, nervous as they were away from home to Panathinaikos, would you believe i was basing my bet on somethin Paul Walsh said on Gillette Soccer Special when teh first leg was played, he said even though it was away he would still take the yellow submarines, so i did and they duly obliged with a 2-1 win, shaky though, thought i was down to £1.50 when Panathinaikos drew level, they could have put everyone behind the ball for extra time and penalites but they didnt and i was fine. Funny how i am basing all this insight into the game on my watching the scores come in on the Sky vidiprinter, i havent even seen the highlights. 3 on 7.80 out.

Wednesday night and now i am back in business, i think anyway, i have 12quid so the process goes to half it and gamble it. so £6 goes on Barca to beat Lyon, i cant admit to the saem following of this result as the previous one, i listened to the Man U Inter game on the radio and fell asleep, I heard that Barca were up 2 nil so slipped into a slumber quite happy, i must still have been taking in what was being said as i woke with a thinking it was two all, so i flicked up the scores and it was 4-2 Barca, surely money in the bank. It was as it finished 5-2. 6 on 8.40 out.

Tonight i have been to collect my meagre winnings and added my totals, 14.40 is the current total and so i have £7 on Werder Bremen at home to St Etienne, which i have recently found out means St Stephen. Anyway, at half time it was 1nil to Werder so fingers crossed. Actually, just checked, final score 1 nil. back in action! 4/7 will pay 11quid so going into Saturday the running total will stand at £18.40.

Season Diary

Entry # : Saturday 7th March 2009

Is Saturday morning and this Saturday is a Saturday off the fitba, a Saturday off! And why is it that there is no football on for the mighty Killie this fine day? Cos we got humped up in Inverness a month ago that’s why.

Its Scottish Cup Quarter final day today, oh it would have been nice, if only we hadn’t been so terrible up north. If we had gone through it would have been a home tie against Falkirk, that would have been smashing. And if we won, well that would see us in the semis, a trip to Hampden, and Falkirk! They’re playing like donkeys just now, dropped points on Tuesday, relegation candidates, surely they would maybe be thinking that this cup run thing wont be too good for their survival bid and we could turn them over, actually I think I thought out the exact same scenario last month for the Inverness game. But im torturing myself because were out, which is sad.

This morning is also the morning that wee Mehdi’s soccer skills video is on Soccer AM. It is something that was mentioned when the papers weirdly picked up on the fact that Killie were going to be on the crossbar challenge, that being the part of the story where Mehdi got filmed doing his ball juggling tricks and all that other stuff he does when he should be crossing and shooting but never actually got shown on the same morning. I know this because I have been text to tell me its just been on, I am now wondering what the hell an aurelio is.

Oops, its not actually morning anymore, rather the afternoon I should get moving as instead of football today I am going to go play crazy golf at the X-Scape complex up at Braehead.

Season Diary

Entry # : Wednesday 4th March 2009

This is me home from tonights game against Celtic, I will tell all tomorrow just want to post right now for posterity that I am well aware that in the paper ratings Scott MacDonald will get man of the match awards for the match winning double he scored but Kevin Kyle was absolutely superb i thought tonight. He gave both Caldwell and McManus water on the brain and won most every header, he also got the sponsors man of the match award, which is often a total mystery how it is decided, but they got the right man tonight. If only big Sammon had put away that chance that Kyle put over for him after skinning McManus, if only. Also Craig Bryson had a cracking game in midfield, more than matching what Celtic had to offer. I am writing this proud after a good display, think we deserved a point in the end, we were hemmed in for most of the first half even still i felt we dominated for a bit in the second. Anyway, i will cover it next post. Just wanted to get in early and point out what i pointed out about Kyle.

Season Diary

Entry # :Tuesday 3rd March 2009

Gibsongate (I am probably the only person who calls it this) seems to have taken a left turn into a little town called interestingville. Apparently what was reported in the papers I have been told is at odds to what Jim Jeffries said on the evening news. In the papers Gibson seems to be apologising for throwing the jersey away, saying it was disrespectful, he didint mean to disrespect the club, the manager or the fans, the articles also mention that Gibson cites the good numbers that were at Pittodrie at the weekend and it shows what a good support Killie have, thats always nice to read. Its worth noting (in light of what i am about to say) that Jim Jeffries quote which features is the exact same as the quotes used in Sundays and Mondays papers meaning it may be simply a recycled one.

Meanwhile, in TV-land Jim Jeffries in his interview says that Gibson hasn’t opened his mouth as regards a apology to the players the fans or even him and his staff AND that he is until further notice training with the youth teams (or how they are known amongst fans, the weans). I am posting this even though i havent seen the TV coverage personally but i have it on good authority and thats fine by me.

Sadly the fact we have a game against Celtic tomorrow and then no game at the weekend since its Scottish Cup weekend, (a dismal reminder of Inverness, sorry) means that this story will probably be brushed under the carpet by the nations media for what they will deem more important stuff (oh please make it more stuff on Marc Crosas and Mo Edu being the greatest players ever to grace the SPL, as this has been rattled out to major amounts of column inches in the past few days, Crosas scored for Celtic and now says Barca have no chance of getting him back, AYE RIGHT! and Edu, he is being compared to Viera, Keane and Essien all in the same breath simply because he started against Hamilton) (The stuff in the previous set of brackets is all ironic by the way) and so the moderately interesting story probably wont be followed up.

Tonight Falkirk take on Dundee United at home and I as well most Killie fans will be following this with interest, what we dont need is them taking three points, this relegation stuff could get hairy.

Season Diary

Entry # : Monday 2nd March 2009

Big Pasca has added me as a friend! Result! I am know linked through the power of social networking to Killie’s captain. I was slightly concerned that it was some young Killie fan with more time on his hands than me who created a profile for a player so idiots like me would be so intrigued as to try add them but as Pasca has accepted my hand of friendship I can now look at his page and the abundance of messages written in Italian plus the candid photos in the albums means I have hit paydirt! If i am honest i frankly have absolutely no idea what i could possibly speak to him about mind you but even still, kind of chuffed. What next, Michael Johnston on Twitter? I can just see our chairman giving blow by blow accounts of the life of a SPL chairman for his clubs fans to read and keep up with, much like celebrity Twitter fans Jonathan Ross, Phillip Schofield or Stephen Fry. Or maybe I can’t, Pasca as my facebook pal will have to do me for now.