Season Diary

Season Diary # : Sunday 17th May 2009

Well our Killie boys have done it themselves, no need for help from the rest of the strugglers, we did it ourselves, or rather, King Kevin Kyle did it for us meant two wins and a draw and four KKK goals (what an unfortunate abbreviation for King Kevin Kyle that is) in the bag since i left the British shores. I do however disagree with some of the correspondance i have had since leaving which left the upturn in fortunes at my door, deeming me a jinx on the team. I firmly beleive it merely a coincidence that we have went three unbeaten in the short time i have been in Canada!

With Killie safe, and me on the other side of the world where the only people who care that Killie have stayed up are basically, me and well just me i suppose. i have however embraced this nations national sport in the hope that come August when they are all my new bestest pals i can ingratiate Killie on them to return my embracement of ice Hockey (does that make sense? it probably doenst, i cant even be sure if embracement is a word, it probably isnt, it should be though) or Hockey as it is simply known over here.

I have chosen to follow the hockey because i love my sport and at this time of the year with the playoffs in full swing its the main focus of sporting attention. however my decision to, in the great hockey nation of canada, to follow an American team may not go down to well to some. I have my reasons and it all links into Killie would you believe.

My current location in Canada is a place called Mimico, just outside Toronto, a small village though not small as in Symington you understand, and that place is the hometown of a young chap called David Bolland (guy below in number 36 jersey). He is a local hero and from what i can gather he has the whole of Mimico rooting for him and his American hockey team the Chicago Blackhawks.

Thats not my only link however, the more important link would be that David is actually a half cousin of my good lady Natalie and we are currently enjoying the terrific hopsitality of the Bolland family and their friends, and to bring the whole thing full circle, David father is a Killie man and Killie fan who went around the country following the blue and white galacticos in his youth before moving over here permanantly quarter of a centry ago, and not only that he has brought up his family the right way, as Killie fans so hopefully come mid June the Stanley Cup (the major prize in the National Hockey League) could be in the hands (or rather arms because it is fucking huge) of a Killie fan!

So because of all that, i emplore all Killie fans to get behind this guy and his team, the Chicago Blackhawks when they take part in the Conference final game one v the Detroit Red Wings tonight 8pm british time on the American channel Setanta provide, if they can overcome the Red Wings in a best of seven games series then they go to another best of seven series versus either Pittsburh or Carolina and that series would be for the big prize, the Stanley Cup!

And hey, Killie could actually take something from this Chicago team, they are young and hungry, the youngest average in the league actually who have proved that its not always experince that wins out, youth has its benifits. Wouldnt that be great if we could reproduce some unexpected magic like that next season? Another wee gem of information is that they were also one of if not THE dirtiest team in the league last season and what with our disciplinary indiscretions this year I can see some omens ther or there abouts, i mean, if people can read into the fact im away being the catalyst for Killies upsurge in results i am going to read into unbefore seen parralels between us and an ice hockey team in the hope that we could get ourselves a young team (with a few old heads naturally) and forge some of Chicagos success next year.

I am nothing if i am not optimistic! And also a bit of a dreamer too i suppose.

So anyway, David Bolland and the Chicago Blackhawks on behalf of myself and hopefully all the Killie fans who i now (unofficially) proffess to speak for; good luck.

and to Killie for saving themselves this season a week before the seasons end; well done.

and Kevin Kyle, one man Killie keeper upper; this blog salutes you!

Howay the Killie!

If Killie were an English premiership team we would be Newcastle, yeah, I am pretty sure we are the Scottish equivalent of the Toon Army.

I say this because some of the similarities are glaringly obvious, we both turn out on most Saturdays resplendent in stripes and their fanatical fans hate Middlesboro and our fanatical fans hate Middlesboro, or that may just be me. We all have unexplainable hatred of different teams and mines is them.

Anyway, more seriously; we both made triumphant returns to the top division in the 90s after a fair spell in the lower leagues at the hands of a legend, a player who was made famous at more illustrious clubs certainly but were real legends at ours. If you don’t know who I am alluding to, King Kevin Keegan led Newcastle to the promised land of the English Premiership, he was a famous successful player for Liverpool but the Messiah on Tyneside. TB was a Celtic bhoy and hero of the jungle certainly but a but a bone fide Killie Legend all the same. RIP TB.

Since we both made it back to the top division we have had relatively decent success, at Killie we have had top four finishes, hell in one season we were even in contention of the league, at Christmas we were in with a real chance, sadly we faltered for a multitude of reasons but then we were a team with real SPL potential, one of the shining lights, we saw European football on more than one token occasion and our fans did us proud when travelling abroad. Newcastle too had great seasons, Champions league football has taken place on the Toon a fair few times and what about the famous “I would love it if we beat them” season when they blew a massive lead and gave Man U the title, as desperate as that looks now at least they had a chance, like we had a chance.

In the last few years our teams have also had similar paths, bottom half teams who seem to flatter to deceive, fail to deliver on potential. So on and so on. Our squads seem to be nothing like the ones we used to be able to assemble, gone is the extravagance of before and now we simply have to accept what we get. Newcastle once signed Ginola, Asprilla, Albert, now they sign Habib Beye (?) Cacapa (?) Xisco (?) signed on the most part by folk that arent the manager. Nowhere near the what they had before, or they get players, international players, who seem to be the real deal but they get them for nothing in January and so maybe you wonder why they arent costing a bean, mr Peter Lovenkrands please stand up. Look at us, Pascali; is he really what we always dreamed of in a tough tackling midfielder, Danny Invincibile is a vital cog in our machine but for the most part he seems to be nothing but the polar opposite of his second name. And our players seem to come on recommendations from strange sources, Pasca from Stefano Salvatori and we nearly had some chap called merlin who came highly recommended by Fitzroy Simpson! When we had a bit of dough we signed Iain Durrant, Ally McCoist, Pat Nevin, Christophe Cocard! Granted the financial restraints in Scotland put paid to that but still, I am beginning to think in the deeply depressed state im in that none of our present crop of signings could lace Jerome Vareilles boots! Oh and our Lovenkrands parallel could be Kevin Kyle, it cant all be everyone elses fault big man, if we got you for free and now your up here and cant seem to click with any other strikers or players it might just be you pal.

And now this season we both find ourselves at time of writing in 3rd bottom position, slightly more perilous for them than us as 3rd botom means you drop but nonetheless I feel we are eachy peachy, were both in a dog fight which contains a oddly large amount of clubs and all fixtures involving all clubs involved mean so much, 6 pointers appear weekly. Possibly a run of 2 victories in a row would see us safe, or three over the course of the remaining fixtures, afew draws in there too would help. And it is possible, it has to be. I mean for us, we havent won since the last fixture in December, surely history prevents us from sealing our fate, no team goes down with such a lack of fight, not one win in the second half of the year, I cant remember it happeneing, so if we cant get ourselves out this mess ourselves history surely (hopefully) will save us, were not that interesting to become a future quiz question I don’t think. Newcastle are pretty much ditto.

Were both in a situation where if we go down we wont be missed by those we leave behind, most premiership fans that I have heard from would be happy if a “big gun” like Newcastle went down. Same goes with us, it may not be with such vitriol but even still I cant see anyone being that bothered. Other wee similarities both our managers spent time off the sidelines due to illness, ours was merely a week or so while theres has taken the rest of the season off.

And in his place who do they get? Only Alan Shearer! Untried as a manager and only in for the last 8 games but as far as quick fix ideas go it’s a masterstroke, I mean if they stay up he is a legend and if they go down then who will really blame Alan Shearer? Chairman Mike Ashley has came in for some serious stick from his own supporters this season, the cockney mafia scenes from earlier this season regarding Dennis Wises part in transfers the walkout of King Kev again due to transfer dealings so much so that Ashley wasn’t seen at St James for months and months, even when Keegan took over and when he left Shearer was reported to say he would never work with Ashley, well this has changed and Shearer is in. Who would bet against Newcastle staying up with him in charge, at the very least he will gain the utmost respect of all proffesionals in his charge, and they will know what it means to play for Newcastle if they are playing for him.

Us? Could we follow that system? And if so, who? Monty would be a probable answer, and why not, if any sort of gimmick was going to work and if it was what fans wanted then he would be a fantastic choice. Like Kinnear just put JJ out to rest till the summer and try something fresh. I am sure that in training Monty could show even at his age that he is far fitter than our guff are, and he could have a word on Combes shell about his attitude toward the fans who pay to watch him play, that stuff wont fly anymore, and Simon Ford would get the rocket up his arse he def needs and all in all these guys would maybe get a feeling of the true meaning of wearing the squirrels on their chest because unlike it would seem us, they would have to listen to him because he would be the boss. It would be like having one of our own in there.

I suppose this brings it down to the main difference between us and them. Our chairmen. Both vilified for their own specific reasons, are what separate us from them. Mike Ashley for all his failings to the fans still wants to be liked and still wants to be respected and o right by his fans and team, so he has dealt with the Wise situation and took all the blockers out the way to allow Shearer to become temporary manager in the hope of steering them to safety. Mike Ashley wants his fans to love him and is doing all he can to secure that love. Our chairman seems not to give a shit about us and seems blasé about the fact that we could easily slip into an obscurity we may never come back from.

So there you have it, a thinly veiled pop at the chairman.

(an unapologetic) Ruud Kerouac
Killie Beat Writer

Season Diary

Entry # : Saturday 11th April 2009

In the great pantheon of football phrases some are bandied around so much that they begin to lose meaning, they are so overused that whaen something comes along that actually merits it it is instantly devalued because of what the phrase has been used for before.

Take legend and world class; two phrases that are used to describe a multitude of players who proably dont deserve it. Now take the phrase of today, must win. it is thrown around willie nillie in the strangest of places, Rangers and Celtic seem to have must wins every week especially the team who plays on the Sunday following a dodgy result for the other on the Saturday. Madness. But today, for Kilmarnock, today is a MUST WIN. We are sitting third bottom and three points above our opponents today, Falkirk who are bottom, if we get beat today we could be bottom by five o'clock and thats not good. Today i am excited, apprehensive, scared, confident and also slightly indifferent due to the perpetual nightmare that has been this season has worn me down to my lowest ebb. Basically a mix mash of different and contrasting feelings but to get back on topic, today is a must win.

In fact if i must be blunt, today is the Pele, Maradonna, Leo Messi and Eric Skora of must wins.

In Killie I trust.

Season Diary 39

Entry #39: Wednesday 7th January 2009

I hate Wednesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays really. I like Mondays though. I am weird that way. The reason I don’t like Wednesdays (and Thursdays) is that it feels like the week is almost over and generally I haven’t done anything, another one wasted so to speak, Mondays seem fresh to me and it feels like anything is possible, this wee is different as the week cant pass quick enough, Wednesday is the turning point where we turn the corner and now were in the final straight headed for Saturday.

Right today I will look at my personal record at the fiery (but sludge filled) pit of hell that is Somerset. I have been there six times in all, my Dad never took us when we were playing in the same divisions during the 80s and early 90s, I always felt that this was because it would be dangerous for young kids as me and my brother were at the time, but it may have been so he could go and enjoy himself, I have never asked him for the actual reason but if what I think is close to being right I can see his point either way.

Anyway, all those wins that others saw and reminisce fondly about (Tommy Burns’ goal being a prime example) I never seen. My first Killie game down in South Ayrshire was the forth round of the Scottish Cup the season after we won the cup (a wee reminder of our glorious cup win of 97) and in the teeming rain we got beat. In fact it was the shitiest day I can remember and we were stuck in the open at the side of the ground you enter at, horrible day. Two nil we were beaten and our cup was surrendered in the worst of places. My programme was ruined that day as well.

Next was a season later and a round earlier, and Andy Walker broke my heart. Suppose the less said about it the better, except that it was teeming, AGAIN, and after Walker scored that f-ing chipped penalty I left. Now my Dad wasn’t too pleased that I was leaving saying I should wait till the end, but I left anyway. So me Charlie and David Hill left and started walking to our friends house in Alloway. This shouldn’t have been that difficult but along the way we got lost and really we weren’t sure where we were going, if the truth be told our way of getting there was probably flawed. All in all, another shit day.

Next up was another cup game but this one was the league cup in 2001, myself and friends Ozzie and Grant plus Grants dad went down, in our lunacy we tried to get in a few pubs down in the Newton on Ayr area, we were duly turned around and ended up in what was then called Dantes and had some prematch beers. Surely this would be the one, the one where I broke my hoodoo, alas no, nil nil meant penalties and we made a major arse of it, big Johnny Bravo otherwise known as Chris Innes humped it right over their home enclosure if memory serves, and I mean humped it. Three defeats on the bounce.

Then in 2004 we played the second of the newly created West Sound Trophy games which replaced (sort of but not actually) the Ayrshire Cup, the first was played the November before on the same day as a Scotland game, the playoff versus Holland actually when McFadden scored in a one nil win, I was at that rather than the inaugural West Sound game at Rugby Park, which we won incidentally. No this was the second and the venue was Somerset in a kind of year about type thing and it was held in preseason so it was a July visit and so the chances of pissing rain were pretty slim (the last game in the league cup I should maybe mention was in early October and as I recall it was a mild night) so we headed out minus our jackets on the general service bus to Ayr. Getting off at the station we went to a place called Drouthy Neebors which myself and my brother ahd been to a party at before and remembered was alright, sadly it had changed hands and was pretty upmarket in comparison. I think we had one pint and went round to Dantes again, more like it. The game was a two each draw and so I saw my first Killie goals on enemy soil! David Lilley scored it. In fact we were up two nil and crusing then they scored two in the last quarter of an hour and pulled level and beat us on pens (again)! There was some bother outside the ground afterwards, really the first time I have any real memories of anything like that happening, suppose it was probably because I actually knew some people who were involved, I wasn’t though (not my thing) and I headed back into town. Myself, Blackie and a few others who exactly I cant recall, headed back to Killie after a few pints in a taxi and pulled up at the Howard as the Killie team were leaving, they were there post game for some sort of player of the year presentation, and we made out we were less than pleased to see them, scowling and telling each other that we were glad they were away and they should fuck off and think about the mess they made that day but secretly wishing we had been back in time to see them. anyway, when we went in the pub all those who were involved ins scuffles of varying degrees were in and had spoken to some of the players, they had jumped on some supporters buses going home the jammy gits, Gary Locke was the one that sticks in my mind because I up to that point was the lone voice in my love of Lockey but after that a fair few of the boys came round to him and his no nonsense style, every cloud as they say.

I said I was there six times and I wasn’t lying, that’s the four times I went to see Killie but I also went to a Ayr Dundee Utd pre season game years and years ago, in the away end I must add and finally I went to a Ayrshire Amateur Cup final to see my mate Mushy turn out for his team Newmilns Vesuvius. This was my happiest time in Somerset and I will tell you why. Free programmes were given out as you went through the turnstyles with a lucky number printed on the front, the winning number was read out over the tannoy and low and behold my programme was the lucky one! I was led through the main stand (“somerset is falling down” isn’t just a clever song its right on the money) to an office and handed a fifty pound note as my prize! Result! I went spent it in Parkers Niteclub in Kilmarnock that night.