And We'll Fly Over Somerset Tommorrow, and Shi.... Hold on, Hold on. Dad, Where's Somerset?

What Killie fans out there remembers Ayr United? Somerset? Any recollection at all? Obviously I am joking here, plenty of people remember that there is some other mob in Ayrshire eeking out an existence in senior football, some will also be able to tell you that they are currently struggling and (fingers crossed) could drop into Scotland's bottom division by May. It is also remembered that they are our bitterest rivals. Or are they? Even on these pages, I have written intermittently over the course of the past year but this is the first time I have looked at the plight of our county cousins, so the question is do we actually have bitter rivals anymore?

in the pub on Sunday, it was remarked (by Nid) that the fellow talking to Hughie Parker was a "scum fan" and it lead to a fair point being raised, would the latest generation (below 20 years old) know what is being accredited to this unassuming man? Would they think the allegation was because he was a Rangers fan, or a Celtic? Or bizarrely man united?

But its Ayr, Ayr United who are our main rivals, they are the scum, not Rangers for stealing our players or Celtic for throwing pies at us in the tattie dome, its Ayr, we cant hold onto a rivalry with the old firm or any of the City teams because they all hate some one else more than they can be arsed with us. We have Ayr, our rivals are Ayr, but sadly rivalry with Ayr seems as pointless as rivalry with Loudoun Amateurs (Ozzie versus Colin Nish, what a match up!) as the chances of us playing in the same league again are slim. (I hope against hope I am right) But then our status as a Premier league team can’t be forever can it? It all seems so academic for the new generation of KTIDers but for many years it was so different, for many years we were in the same league, in my lifetime, I am 26, I remember Tommy Burns scoring a screamer at rugby park against Ayr, I remember the Tudor being Ally McLeod’s pub, I remember not being allowed to go with my dad to Somerset for reasons I only worked out in my post 18 years. I remember, Dylan Kerr falling into the stand after scoring in the Ayrshire cup final, I also remember Andy fanny baws, dickhead, shite on the radio, shite on the telly, shite column in the Sunday mail, not interesting enough to be included in the admittedly dying a horrible death only an excuse, did I mention fanny baws, walker scoring that chip against us in the Scottish cup at scumerset and leaving early, I love the song Somerset’s a piggery and if it was sung for an week and a half I wouldn’t get sick of it. but I also remember that we stopped playing for the Ayrshire Cup because we cant afford to lose it, and then the west sound trophy arrived (who wouldn’t want to get their hands on that?) we won it back after losing it in a four nil win and then nothing, to be honest what would be the point, they are so poor its hardly a contest, and I mean that with the greatest of respect and no boasting, the gulf is just too big now.

all these memories are what builds the character of a Kilmarnock fan, the first trips to Ibrox and that and the old firm coming down to us have lost all novelty but things like an Ayr game never lose their shine, that’s because that is sheer rivalry, equally felt, as I said before, no one really is that bothered about us. Don’t get me wrong, there was always something there with Partick, due to the amount of time we spent moving up and down the divisions together or St Mirren due to ne'erday games when the scum weren’t in our division, but even these things have passed, our fantastic achievement of cementing our place in the Premier league for so long while other flounder has put paid to that, we associate ourselves with other Premier teams, Celtic, Rangers, Aberdeen, Hearts, Hibs etc. Hello, hello, we are the Killie boys being pinpointed for bigoted scrutiny an example, even leading to a chant in retaliation.

Since I first heard it I thought that the chant "we are not sectarian, we just hate everybody" was quite bold, a fair comment which sums up our feeling of not wanting to be tarred with the brushes used on primarily Celtic and Rangers fans but also the Hearts and Hibs etc. But now thinking about it, it actually seems quite sad, it kind of paints us as an isolated figure, we are not associated with anyone else, we hate everyone. Or is it maybe no one is particularly interested in us? It seem a cry for help, someone please hate us! We will hate you back tenfold, we promise!

I suppose it puts us in a catch 22 situation, do we want a return to lower league football for the sake of a few games against the scum? No, do we hell. Do we want them to have some sort of rise from the ashes and make the premier league? No, get it up them. Should we bring back the Ayrshire Cup? Well, what’s the use, it would be a pointless exercise, and Girvin could possibly knock them out! Do we really want to go back to the days when pubs got turned over by opposing team fans for a reason other than just because there are 10thousand bigots and our chairman would rather see cash than Killie fans, again no, but a buzz about the town for certain games would be fantastic.

so where does that leave us, we want a rivalry, but no one will give us one, we have one or had one, but they are so awful and have been for so long that our fan base is slowly evolving into one which doesn’t recognise them fully as what they are, and I will say it again for anyone who hasn’t grasped the jist of the article, OUR ONLY RIVALS! But we don’t play them, and chances are wont play them anytime in the future, god, this article is actually quite depressing, I feel so alone! Need to let off some steam, shout something soothing, something like,

Get it up ye's ya south Symington scumbags! mone the Killie!

That’s better, now lets just as a body of support keep Ayr alive in the thoughts of our fans through singing and telling jokes at their expense as they cant keep up their end of the bargain and challenge us on the park.

All together now, if I had the wings of a sparrow...........

Ruud Kerouac